Some feminist things I’ve done today.

I fed my kid a breakfast of pouches of pre-made baby food even though people keep telling me she’s not a baby anymore because they are A. Already Cooked  B. Organic Fruits and Vegetables C. Portable D. Require No Cleaning Up and E. She will actually eat them.  I also gave her a cheese stick (non-organic), a cup of milk (organic), some “go-go fish” crackers (non-organic non-food based) and that was that.

I forgot to meditate.  It’s a thing I decided I would do, I did for one day, and then promptly forgot about.

I drove my kid to pre-school and I cranked a Fleetwood Mac song the F up on the radio.

I committed to saying F around my daughter instead of just straight up F since she can talk now and repeats e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g I say and she can sing her ABC’s now like a little genius.

I drank coffee and I shouted at the women of The View.

I listened to Nate Bargatze on Spotify who is a REALLY funny comedian from the south that I totally love and did a little updating of my blog, started a facebook page for it, and promised myself I would write a post.

I took a long shower and thought VERY hard about writing a post about the debate tonight and why I’m supporting Hillary Clinton and why I became a feminist at like, 8 years old, and how Hillary has been this lifelong role model for me and a prominent figure in my feminism since childhood and I had lots of ideas and things to say about that…

and then I felt really hopeless because thinking about politics drains me and Donald Trump supporters enrage me and my child is going to grow up with either one of the most defining incredible female role models available to women right now or she’s going to grow up with one of the most vile fascist sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, racist monsters our under-educated pop-culture obsessed society has ever churned out.

And then I thought about how I’m a white lady raising a person of color and how before my kid has even learned how to jump (I mean, like, she does a sort of knee bouncing thing and like, lifts up a foot) she has been categorized into weird sexual and gender roles, how she’s already been subjected to racism and misogyny, except she’s too little to understand that stuff, so I her mother, have been the one to feel and filter through that and I can’t fucking bear it.

And then I DESPAIRED at the fact that there is probably just no changing anybody’s minds about anything, and how my vote doesn’t matter because I live in Mississippi.

Then I waxed my moustache for the first time in like, 2 years.  When I was pregnant and when I was in the early early days of motherhood I just had zero space in my life for one more ounce of pain so I stopped giving a fuck about my moustache, and then I worked at an all girls camp for 3 months and then today, I was finally like, I don’t want this on my face anymore and I think I’ve actually had five minutes to come to terms with it hurting, and so I waxed it.  I have mixed feelings about the process.

Then I had a minor panic attack because I was like, “Where is my Baby??? Why haven’t I heard her voice, oh my God, what have I been doing all day? Is she alright?!! Was my mom watching her??!!” and then I remembered I took her to school and laughed at myself for 5 minutes.

Then I entered the codes from diaper packages into the Pampers Rewards website so I can get some free nonsense in 12 years.

In a little bit I’m going to put on makeup and clothes and go pick up my kid from school.

Then I’m going to make blackberry cobbler and buffalo chicken dip for my cousin’s birthday party like an effing rockstar.

And I’m going to DVR the debate, or watch it on facebook or something.

And then I’m going to fall asleep exhausted as hell, proud of my beautiful baby and wondering when Jessica Jones season 2 comes out on Netflix.

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Dog and Baby Show

(originally posted on my old site 10/4/15)

img_0505Yesterday my baby turned 8 months old.  Today she went to her first pumpkin patch.  While we were there, I tried to explain to her the purpose of a pumpkin patch.  You see at first glance, she probably supposed it was merely a popular place to do dog photo shoots, as several childless adults were there doing just that.  I told her, “When you go to the pumpkin patch, you walk around and you look for the perfect pumpkin to take home and carve into a jack-o-lantern, but that’s not why we’re here today.”

She chewed on some grass.  “You see baby, we live in a world now where everybody has to have a picture of their baby (or dog) at a pumpkin patch.  It’s a fall tradition.  That’s why you’re wearing the one and only skirt you own.  Every October, parents get their kids dressed up and bring them to whatever church parking lot is closest and sit their child on a bale of hay.  This is a rite of passage and your mom is largely a conformist when it comes to things that are extremely cute.  Let’s take a selfie.” She stared off into the distance.

“I know we could pick out a pumpkin here today and justify our trip with more than just cute photos, but I am completely over carving pumpkins.  I’m not doing it again until you beg me when you’re like 5-years-old.  I’ve had to do it for every kid I’ve nannied for the last six years and sticky pumpkin guts have lost their charm.  I bought you some stickers to decorate our pumpkin.  You’ll just have to live with that.  Also, we have to get some that are small enough to hang out inside on the kitchen window sill, because our neighborhood is overrun with creatures of the forest.  In our yard alone, I have seen a posse of 6 raccoons, several lizards, squirrels, frogs, turtles, a snake, a possum with three babies on it’s back, two mangy cats, several birds, and too many bugs to list.  Not to mention, we don’t do trick or treaters so we’re not exactly trying to advertise our halloween spirit.”

Elsie mostly seemed confused by this little field trip.  Then, when we got home she actually crawled on all fours for the first time, not just scooting around aimlessly. She purposefully crawled into the dining room trying to get to me in the kitchen.  Then!  She pushed herself up into a seating position with no help for the first time ever.  Then she ate two entire jars of baby food (unprecedented) had a bath, read a book with me, and passed out in her crib within seconds at bed time.  I am completely overwhelmed and proud and bewildered and I can’t believe how lucky I am.  It would be cool though if she could just chill out and stop all this growing because I’m like, “Hey! You’re my tiny little baby.  What are you trying to pull?”

I blame it all on the pumpkin patch.  I think as soon as she laid eyes on a schnauzer outperforming her, she knew she had to step up her game.

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