babies · motherhood · nonsense · Uncategorized

Some feminist things I’ve done today.

I fed my kid a breakfast of pouches of pre-made baby food even though people keep telling me she’s not a baby anymore because they are A. Already Cooked  B. Organic Fruits and Vegetables C. Portable D. Require No Cleaning Up and E. She will actually eat them.  I also gave her a cheese stick (non-organic), a cup of milk (organic), some “go-go fish” crackers (non-organic non-food based) and that was that.

I forgot to meditate.  It’s a thing I decided I would do, I did for one day, and then promptly forgot about.

I drove my kid to pre-school and I cranked a Fleetwood Mac song the F up on the radio.

I committed to saying F around my daughter instead of just straight up F since she can talk now and repeats e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g I say and she can sing her ABC’s now like a little genius.

I drank coffee and I shouted at the women of The View.

I listened to Nate Bargatze on Spotify who is a REALLY funny comedian from the south that I totally love and did a little updating of my blog, started a facebook page for it, and promised myself I would write a post.

I took a long shower and thought VERY hard about writing a post about the debate tonight and why I’m supporting Hillary Clinton and why I became a feminist at like, 8 years old, and how Hillary has been this lifelong role model for me and a prominent figure in my feminism since childhood and I had lots of ideas and things to say about that…

and then I felt really hopeless because thinking about politics drains me and Donald Trump supporters enrage me and my child is going to grow up with either one of the most defining incredible female role models available to women right now or she’s going to grow up with one of the most vile fascist sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, racist monsters our under-educated pop-culture obsessed society has ever churned out.

And then I thought about how I’m a white lady raising a person of color and how before my kid has even learned how to jump (I mean, like, she does a sort of knee bouncing thing and like, lifts up a foot) she has been categorized into weird sexual and gender roles, how she’s already been subjected to racism and misogyny, except she’s too little to understand that stuff, so I her mother, have been the one to feel and filter through that and I can’t fucking bear it.

And then I DESPAIRED at the fact that there is probably just no changing anybody’s minds about anything, and how my vote doesn’t matter because I live in Mississippi.

Then I waxed my moustache for the first time in like, 2 years.  When I was pregnant and when I was in the early early days of motherhood I just had zero space in my life for one more ounce of pain so I stopped giving a fuck about my moustache, and then I worked at an all girls camp for 3 months and then today, I was finally like, I don’t want this on my face anymore and I think I’ve actually had five minutes to come to terms with it hurting, and so I waxed it.  I have mixed feelings about the process.

Then I had a minor panic attack because I was like, “Where is my Baby??? Why haven’t I heard her voice, oh my God, what have I been doing all day? Is she alright?!! Was my mom watching her??!!” and then I remembered I took her to school and laughed at myself for 5 minutes.

Then I entered the codes from diaper packages into the Pampers Rewards website so I can get some free nonsense in 12 years.

In a little bit I’m going to put on makeup and clothes and go pick up my kid from school.

Then I’m going to make blackberry cobbler and buffalo chicken dip for my cousin’s birthday party like an effing rockstar.

And I’m going to DVR the debate, or watch it on facebook or something.

And then I’m going to fall asleep exhausted as hell, proud of my beautiful baby and wondering when Jessica Jones season 2 comes out on Netflix.


The Big Fat Lies

(Originally posted 4/22/15 on my old site)

It starts with:

Being fat is wrong and bad.

Then these lies follow:

Especially if you’re a woman…


Being fat prevents you from being beautiful.

If you’re not beautiful nobody can or should love you.

Men will not find you attractive.

What men think of you is very important.

Being fat is your fault.

You should do everything you can, not to be fat, even if you are sick or miserable or poor or even if you are risking your life.

Even if you are pregnant you should not get too fat and you must lose every pound you gained during pregnancy.

If you fail to become thin, it is your fault, no matter how hard you tried.

It is easy to lose weight. Just go on a diet.

If you can’t lose weight you are lazy and don’t deserve love, kindness, or happiness.

It is OK to be mean to fat people because it’s their fault.

Being fat is unhealthy.

If you lose weight, that is amazing and it’s probably the best thing you can do and it’s a huge accomplishment.

(Pause. You will get more praise for losing weight than nearly any other thing you can do. That’s not a lie. Ok- back to the lies)

You better not ever gain that weight back even though there is a 95% probability that you will and that you will gain even more.

So those are the basics. Those are the lies. Nearly every young girl in this country already has these lies ingrained in her head by the time she’s ten. Almost all girls have been on a diet by the time they’re in middle school.

None of these things are true and yet so much happiness in life is dictated by these lies.

But they all start with number one. We cannot change our thinking about any of them if we don’t change our thinking about the very first one. This is the hardest one for many people to get over. There is a mountain of evidence that neither that lie nor any that follow are true, and yet we persist in our thinking about that one.

This is not merely a fat woman’s issue. It affects all women. All women are told this and it affects them- fat or not.

So- what do we do? There are many things we can do, but we first have to recognize these lies and call them out.

A good next step is to stop acting like body fat is the worst thing about a human being.

SO- in an effort to remind myself of everything I know to be true regarding weight loss and body image- here is the picture I was afraid to post because I thought I looked too fat in it. That is me and my beautiful baby in the cutest onesie they make with a watermelon on the butt. I think we look beautiful. How dare I hide this watermelon butt from the world because I’m ashamed of my belly? That belly MADE that watermelon butt.

That’s all for now.